Anyway, the importance of the days is that I promised myself I would write in this blog every day for as long as it takes me to lose this weight and then keep it off for at least a year. So, I am in this for a good long while. And I don't want to mess this up.
I have thought, all day, about what I would blog about. I want to keep this related to my weight loss journey. My feelings, my thoughts, my frustrations, and my success will all be journaled (is that a word? My spell check doesn't think so.) in these pages. It's going to be tough coming up with a topic every day to write about, but that's part of the challenge. Perhaps, just perhaps, I can work out whatever it is in my brain that I apparently have wrong with me that has led me to a weight as heavy as I am now.
I have always been a big girl. A chubby child, an overweight teenager, and now, an obese adult. I am rather obsessed with food, though I have no real reason why. I just love it. I love the taste, the textures, the way simple ingredients can be combined to make an astonishing, exquisite explosion on your tongue. Sweets are my downfall, no questions asked. But, I am not a candy person, if that makes sense. I don't like super, sugary sweets. What I love are rich, sweet cakes, chocolates, doughnuts, and brownies. Basically, bad carbs that send my blood sugars soaring and my metabolism into the toilet. I know they are my weakness. I try and try and try to control myself but . . . I just don't.
I have always envied those people who can just take a little bit of something and feel satisfied while I can't get enough even after the while cake has been devoured. Maybe it's a fluke in my genes. Maybe it's psychological. Whatever it is, I mean to overcome it and become one of those people who *gasp* understands and employs moderation.
Along those lines, at this year's annual check up with my doctor, she was quite concerned with my weight. Particularly since I have gained fifty pounds since I became a stay at home mom. It's no surprise, really. I stay home and don't do a while lot other than clean my house and take care of my kids. And eat. And eat. And eat. And eat. We discussed what i have done in the past for weight loss and I explained all of the tricks, the diets, the plans, the whatever I had tried (and there have been many, many attempts to get this weight off). I also told her that, for some reason, I lose a little weight but then I gain it all back and then some. I try again, with the same results. The reason, more often than not, is that I give up on the plan, the diet, the trick before I actually ever succeed with anything.
We discussed the repercussions of my weight. Diabetes. Heart Attack. Those are scary words to a mom with two young children to raise. I just stared at her helplessly and told her I just didn't know what to do. It was then she mentioned putting me on Phentermine. You can google the med, but it's basically an appetite suppressant that helps boost your metabolism. I was all for trying anything. So, the prescription was written, picked up, and paid for. And it sat in my medicine cabinet for a week before I even took one of the pills.
That was a the end of May. It is now August. I still have 15 pills left. I can't explain why I don't take it regularly. When I do, it is awesome stuff. I have more energy than I have ever had. I don't feel those awful cravings for sugary, buttery, chocolatey delicious desserts. I even go to the gym and *drum roll* actually lose weight. So what is wrong with me? Why can't I just take the damn pills every morning and follow through with that plan?
Challenge number one: Take my Phentermine every morning until all of the pills are gone.
Challenge number two: go back to the doctor to pick up a refill and then actually take the pills for 30 consecutive days.
Maybe after these challenges, I can answer that question.
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