I was thinking I would devote Wednesdays to weigh in. Have a kind of cliche, gimmicky title like "Weigh In Wednesday" or something cheesy like that. But, alas, I was completely lazy today. I didn't do much at all in regards to exercise, fitness, health, or weight loss. I definitely didn't get up first thing this morning to weigh myself. And I am the type of girl who has to weigh herself first thing in the morning. Completely naked because clothes weigh something. After I have gone pee to get rid of that added weight and before I brush my teeth (because that little bit of water you swallow when you brush does have a weight to it, and it counts on the scale.) And it just didn't happen this morning.
You see, my hubby and I had an argument last night. I was up most of the night brooding over it and then didn't sleep well once I did finally succumb to the sandman. So, I slept in this morning. And then, when I got up, I popped a movie in for the kids, fed them breakfast, and then reclined on the couch with a book. And there I stayed all morning and well into the afternoon. And then there was the mad rush to pick up the house, make dinner, feed the kids, do some laundry, and then relax, again with my book once I got the kids to bed early. It was a complete waste of a day. And now, I am feeling major guilt. I am beating myself up over it because in the long run, I had no excuse, though I told myself over and over again, all day, that my excuse was that I was tired. It had been a rough night, blah blah, blah.
It shouldn't have been an excuse, and never one accepted by myself. Four years ago, I was a working mom. I worked 32 hours a week as a Social Worker. And I went to school in the evenings because, for some insane reason, I wanted to change careers to become a teacher. I stayed up most nights doing homework. I would go to bed for a couple of hours only to be awakened again to nurse my baby. And then a couple more hours of sleep before I got up, go myself and two kids ready, and went to work for eight hours. After work, I went to a gym and worked out for half an hour before picking my kids up, going home, making dinner, bathing the boys, and then going up to the college for my evening class. After class, it was more homework, more brief napping, another nursing session, and then another nap. A few hours later, work, gym, kids, dinner . . . . you get the idea. My hubby and I still had arguments. I had bad days at work. Homework was distracting me. I had lots of nights that sleep completely escaped my search for it.
I lived in a tunnel. Most days, I barely knew my name, I was so exhausted. But, I still found time to work out. I ate healthy. I wanted to get that damn baby weight off. I was determined. And I was succeeding. If I missed the gym (it was kind of a hokey place that wasn't always open when I needed it to be), I took the boys out for a walk. Pushing two kids in a stroller off road in the mountains is great exercise, by the way. It didn't matter that I barely slept, that I had worked hard all day and was so tired my eyes were crossed, I still did what I needed to get the weight off. No excuses. No lies to myself. Nothing was acceptable.
So why, oh why, do I give in to myself now? Why did I stop living as I did that summer and fall? I don't have the answers. If I did, I would be at my goal weight already. What I DO know is that I have GOT TO STOP excusing myself for my laziness. Pure and simple. It will no longer be tolerated.
And next Wednesday, you can expect a stupid, cheesy gimmick line with a report of my weigh in for the day. I know, you wait with bated breath.
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