So, here's some thoughts on this week.
First, I quit smoking. Right now, I would sell a child for a cigarette right now. For the most part, I have been trying to keep a lid on my mood swings. However, my husband - who I love dearly most days and is really a funny guy who treats me like a queen when I don't really deserve such treatment - is probably going to end up stabbed in the eye with a fork if he doesn't learn to just sit next to me with his mouth closed. His sly smirks, his stupid jokes, his irritating voice when I am in the midst of a nic fit are going to earn him scars. Deep, hideously ugly scars. But, um, yeah, other than that, the whole not smoking thing sucks for me. I was tempted more than ever today to sneak off to the gas station to buy a pack, sneak back home, hide behind the garage and just take a teensy weensy little drag. But I didn't. And some day, I will be happy I didn't. Right now, I am not happy. I just want a damn smoke.
Second, I quit Coca Cola. If you know me, you know I am a caffeine addict and my favorite vice is Coke. I drink, on average, at least 32 ounces a day. And I wonder why I am fat, right? Anyway, I gave up the coke. And anything with caffeine in it, actually. I am surprised to report that I have not had any headaches. Maybe because I am so focused on wanting a cigarette, the physical withdrawals of caffeine haven't effected me yet. Or maybe it's everything else effecting me and the caffeine stuff is just whispers in the wind in comparison. Of course, it could also be that today was day three of all my quits and before I actually murdered a live being within my vicinity, I made myself some iced tea. Which totally screwed over my other quit - I will tell you about that in a minute - but it soothed the nerves. I felt better. And, though it's supposed to be hard work and blah blah blah - I know if I don't give in to myself just a wee bit, not only are people going to get hurt, but I will quit, light up a smoke, fill up a coke and go back to where I was a week ago. So, iced tea, 2 quarts with a quarter cup of sugar mixed into the lot - if that's what it takes to keep me out of jail, well, let's give this girl a break, huh?
Third - I quit refined sugar. No sugar at. all. Until today, that is. But hey, like I said, I don't need bail money, so let's keep this little failure on the DL, mmmkay?
Fourth - I quit carbs. Not all carbs, just the bad white ones that are made in a factory or, maybe they are made in nature, but some idiot factory owner started adding chemicals and washes and dyes to the lot until it no longer resembled food. Those kind of carbs I gave up. the kind found in yummy fruits and veggies are all over the place in my kitchen right now.
Fifth - I started a detox. Yeah, it lasted three days. Besides the heartburn, the gas, the horrible weak, shaky feeling and the mild headache, it went great. I told the detox fairy to go screw herself this morning and made myself that shake you read about earlier. Mama was much happier after that.
And finally - I started to exercise again. In the deepest darkest parts of night, when the gym is completely empty and no one is there to witness my humiliation and shame - I am there, on the elliptical and trying a few of the weight machines. I made it once this week. I would have gone tonight, but I met up with a friend and, with this gorgeous weather we are enjoying, we walked the track behind the school while out kids played on the playground. I lasted 45 minutes and made it 5 times around. Not bad, if I do say so myself. My goal is to make it to the gym tomorrow morning. I have a while blog post prepared for the fears and phobias I have o going during the day. And you will get to see that post, soon probably. Because I have to work tomorrow night, which means, to get a gym spot in, I have to go in the morning.
My heart burn is back.
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