Anything Goes

I've spent the weekend reflecting.  And I've come to realize something very important.  Something that needs to be stopped immediately before someone gets hurt.

You see, Prince Charming and I have been misbehaving badly.  Very badly.

Especially when we go out in public.

Or are left to our own devices in the kitchen.  We are very, very naughty.

No, not like that, you dirty minded little perv.

We've been enabling each other like crazy.  "You're tired, don't cook, we'll go out."  "We're in town, anyway, we'll go out."  "I just cleaned this kitchen spotless, I don't want to mess it up.  Let's go out."  And we've been falling back into our old bad habits - eating out way too much.  And it's showing.  The scales aren't dipping like we want them to.  And then the few days we DO behave, we expect glamorous and shocking results and get pissy when they don't happen.  By pissy, I mean we get depressed and angry and say mean and hurtful things about ourselves and other people.  It's not good, it's not pretty.  And it really does need to be stopped.

Because our goal is to get healthy.  Now, I realize that the road is not going to be smooth and even.  It's going to be bumpy and curvy and mostly uphill.  And that's okay.  The challenge of getting there is going to make the final destination so much better appreciated!  (at least that's what I keep telling myself.  Honestly?  It's fine and easy to spout that BS when you've reached your destination, I'm sure.  But while we're still traveling, we'd prefer that smooth, easy route, thank you very much.)

Anyhoots, back to what I was saying - being positive is an important part of healthy living.  Even I, Miss Negative Nelly, understand that being positive is going to make reaching your goals easier.  Because, mostly, losing weight is a mind trick.  We have to get out of our heads and into our bodies long enough to get the weight off, that the positivity (is that a word?  spell check says it isn't.  I am defying spell check and making that a word.) is an absolute must.

Yet, it's very hard to stay positive.  Especially when you have a road that is as long as mine is.  I'm not saying I am special or any more important than anyone else.  What I am saying is that I have been battling my weight my entire life.  And now that I am finally getting somewhere with it, it seems like it is taking for-freaking-ever.  I see these people around me who have tried this and that and the other and their weight is FALLING off of them while I struggle with the same three friggen pounds for weeks on end, only to get past them and move on to the next three pound loss/gain for weeks and so on and on and on . . .   And I wonder - "what the hell am I doing so wrong that they are doing so right?  Why is this SUCH a struggle for me?"  

And I think, maybe, I found an answer.  I think, maybe, I've been diet hopping - trying this new fad diet and that old suggestion and these new supplements that make grand promises but just deliver a lower bank account -  for so long, most of my life, actually, that I forgot how to just be.  How to be me. How to enjoy life and those around me and not be so obsessive with my body, my image, and how much the scale says I'm worth.  But mostly, I forgot what it's like to live life without stressing over every.single.thing that goes into my mouth.

Everything.

Whether it's a healthy stick of celery or an unhealthy chunk of chocolate cake, I stress about it, worry over it, and count things in my head, on online nutrition trackers, and at the gym.  It's all consuming.  It's exhausting.

So, I did some serious research this weekend.  Research on food and calories and metabolism and all sorts of stuff that I am sure you'll find boring.  I did a lot of math.

A. Lot. Of. Math.

Needless to say, this research took some serious time.  But, it was worth it because I think I discovered a secret.  But, it's not really a secret.  Everyone knows what it is already, I just figured it out for myself.

Eat less, move more.

Yep.  Big deal, right?  Eat less, move more.

But that doesn't mean eat NOTHING of this and ALL of that.  It also doesn't mean NEVER can you have this and ALWAYS you must have that.  It just means what it says.

Eat less, move more.

There's not special diet out there that is going to be the magic trick that is going to melt my weight away.  There is no trick or tried and true method that worked for them and must work for me, because everyone is different.  Every BODY is different.  And what works for you, your neighbor, your sister's best friend's aunt's cousin, or whoever is not necessarily going to work for me.  In fact, it probably won't.  Because I tend to sabotage myself.  (don't ask.  I'm not sure why and I know it will probably take too many thousands of dollars and a medically trained therapist to figure it out, so let's just leave it as I do this and I need to stop, but we all know I won't.)  And, I can't stick to anything for any length of time.  I can't help it, it's just me.

You know what else is me?

I love to read.  I enjoy going to the movies.  I like to make out with Prince Charming on my living room couch after the kids have gone to bed.  I love spending my summer days at the pool and my summer nights on my deck.  I like to have my friends over so we can catch up on gossip and our kids can drain their excess energy on each other.  I like to sit back with a glass of wine and a smoke to relax at the end of a hard week.  I like to listen to rock music - the louder the better.  The sound of running water is soothing to me, but being near a body of water is even more soothing.  The sound of my kids laughing, or better yet, being the cause of my kids' laughter, is the best thing in the entire world.

Of course, there is so much more to me, but I don't want to bore you or make this post any longer.  The point it that I am a unique  individual with unique tastes and pleasures.  Not one of those listed above had anything to do with food.  Some of them might involve food, but for me, it's more about the friendship and sharing and relaxing and just being than it is about the food.  So, why have I made my life revolve so much around what I eat?

So, I'm not doing it anymore.  I am not dieting.  I am just going to be me.  I am, of course, going to eat healthy and exercise more, but I am not obsessing over it to the point that I lose hours of time and sleep over it.  I will continue to track things, and I will continue to plan out the week in advance so that I can grocery shop as any mother and wife does.  And I will keep looking for healthy recipes I think my family might like to eat.  And we'll limit our eating out to the cheat meal, the "anything goes, who cares if it's healthy, it's going on my belly" meal.  Once a week and more more than that.  And we are probably not going to be positive about it.  I'm probably going to bitch and moan about it to all and sundry.  And guess what?  I think I've just undone all of my plans and realized I am still dieting, I am just not calling it a diet.

Mother trucker.  


Like I said, I can't stick to anything, so we'll see how this goes.